Day 19 - The Last Day

With only an hour to go in the Fast I look back at the last nineteen days with fondness. 

I know that sounds crazy coming from a guy who dreads this time of year but the experience has been one of the best ones for me. Despite having to stop physically fasting for three days during a tournament I was able to keep my focus and not go crazy eating during those days. 

My wife has been so helpful to me as well, making home made veggie and fruit juices for after the sun sets. She also reminded me of the importance of staying healthy and strong while shooting in a cold arena. Friends have also shown their interest in the Fast period and that has made conducting the Fast easier for me. That's the whole purpose behind this blog, to talk about what I'm doing and hopefully at the same time keeping me honest. 

Thanks to everyone who read and commented about this Fast. It was a good month. 

"It behoveth the people of Baha, throughout these days, to provide good cheer for themselves, their kindred and, beyond them, the poor and needy, and with joy and exultation to hail and glorify their Lord, to sing His praise and magnify His Name."Baha'u'llah on the period called Ayyam-i-Ha, days just before the Fast. 

Tried out a new lens today. I love a fixed focal length. 

Day 18 - Anticipation

The anticipation is pretty funny.

This would be so much easier if I didn't have a few days off, at least that's what I tell myself. With the Fast coming to a close (one more day to go) I don't have much to say.

Right now I'm maintaining and trying to stay focussed on the task at hand. That's all I can say for now. I'm expecting some more insight on the last post.

"Thou seest, O God of Mercy, Thou Whose power pervadeth all created things, these servants of Thine, Thy thralls, who, according to the good-pleasure of Thy Will, observe in the daytime the fast prescribed by Thee, who arise, at the earliest dawn of day, to make mention of Thy Name, and to celebrate Thy praise, in the hope of obtaining their share of the goodly things that are treasured up within the treasuries of Thy grace and bounty."Baha'u'llah

Digging the shadows on this one.

Day 17 - So Close Yet So Far

It would be a shame to have a moment of weakness with only two days left in the Fast. All my efforts would be for nothing and I could only blame myself.

Giving up the at the end is only one possible path to take however and I am restraining myself from those desires. For whatever reason as the days of the Fast near their end the more anxious I get. I've heard other Baha'is say the first few days and the last few are the hardest. I tend to agree.

You almost get into a rhythm and flow during these nineteen days of restraint. The culmination of your efforts seem to come by pretty quick but that last day seems to take forever.

I'm in a one-day-at-a-time mode right now. Pretty sure I'll be on a one-hour-at-a-time mode on the last day. I have no idea what will happen after the Fast is over. Will I go back to my old ways of cookies, candy and burgers?

My eating habits have improved by leaps and bounds over these days and I am grateful for that. Hopefully I can take some of those habits and keep them as long as possible.

The next quote is something I am working on.

"...the core of religious faith is that mystic feeling that unites man with God. This state of spiritual communion can be brought about and maintained by means of meditation and prayer. And this is the reason why Bahá'u'lláh has so much stressed the importance of worship. It is not sufficient for a believer to merely accept and observe the teachings. He should, in addition, cultivate the sense of spirituality, which he can acquire chiefly by the means of prayer."Shoghi Effendi

Enjoying the colour and bokeh of this image.

Day 16 - Back to the Grind

With the hockey tournament behind me there are three more days of the Fast to prepare for. It's going to be weird fasting again after taking a three day hiatus. 

I am glad I took that break though; if I kept the Fast during the tournament I would have been a bubbling mess of goo. Now is the time to mentally set myself up for the last days of this Fast. Nervous and excited at the same time.

"The Bahá'í Faith, like all other Divine religions, is thus fundamentally mystic in character. Its chief goal is the development of the individual and society, through the acquisition of spiritual virtues and powers. It is the soul of man that has first to be fed. And this spiritual nourishment prayer can best provide."Shoghi Effendi

So many sights caught my eye today. This is one of the them. The sprawl of suburban homes is a familiar view in Alberta, especially in the cities. I would love to take a week and document them, it's a fascinating thing to me. 

Day 15 - Fun with Coffee

Taking pictures in a cold arena is exhausting work. Thankfully I chose to eat, which kept me functioning through the day. I had some coffee to keep me going as well. It's been some time since I've had coffee during the day.

So that was fun.

I wasn't sure how to be today as I'm not physically fasting so I went about my business and took pictures. Thoughts of the Fast returned several times.

How do I respect the Fast while not physically observing it?

Perhaps doing a good job to provide for my family is one way. That is what turned my work around today; channeling my energy into being a good photographer was a wonderful experience.

And it showed.

"Praised be Thou, O God, my God! These are the days whereon Thou hast enjoined Thy chosen ones, Thy loved ones and Thy servants to observe the Fast, which Thou hast made a light unto the people of Thy kingdom, even as Thou didst make obligatory prayer a ladder of ascent unto those who acknowledge Thy unity."
Baha'u'llah

I'm no tree photographer but I like the texture of this image.

Day 14 - Time to Decide

I made a tough decision to break my fasting during this tournament.

At about 11:30 a.m. I felt my hunger but also starting feeling shaky, wobbly more like, and that is when I decided to eat.

The wise words of a friend helped me with that decision actually. He suggested I take into account that if my work was suffering, and that work is something to supplement my family's wellbeing, then God would likely understand.

Neither of us are suggesting we have a direct line of communication with God but he definitely made me think. What an interesting way to look at my job. And he's right, this is something that I do to provide for my family.

That is part of my job as a parent. What a thought.

"These are, O my Lord, the days in which Thou hast bidden Thy servants to observe the Fast. Blessed is he that observeth the Fast wholly for Thy sake and with absolute detachment from all things except Thee."
Baha'u'llah

Found this little scene today. Nice.

Day 13 - Call the Whambulance

Making any kind of serious decision while hungry is not always a good idea. Although the world does not change around us during this time. Life moves on at the speed of life and that's how it is.

Much of my thoughts today related to the impending tournament coming up. Thinking about whether or not I should fast with a grumbly, empty stomach made the thought of sticking to the precepts of the Fast extremely daunting.

That actually made me feel more grumpy and hungry.

Note to self: think about something else.

Tomorrow's the big day. If I get up early enough I'll be able to enjoy a fan-smacking breakfast.

"I beg of Thee by Thy Name, the All-Glorious, to accept the fast of those who have fasted for love of Thee and for the sake of Thy good-pleasure and have carried out what Thou hast bidden them in Thy Books and Tablets."
An excerpt from a prayer on the Fast by Baha'u'llah.

I like this photo but can't tell you why because I'm not sure.

Day 12 - Foreshadowing doom

I'm a little worried about the next couple of days.

The hockey season is just about over and groups around the province are thick into provincials championships. I get to shoot some of these provincials right smack dab in the middle of the Fast.

Last year I attempted to abstain from eating and drinking but had to break my fast to function. I was a wreck of a man. Cutting my Fast during the nineteen day period was a personal disappointment for me, I stopped writing with three days left to go. That last tournament was also basically at the end of the time to fast as well.

My wife was quite supportive and somewhat flabbergasted as I berated myself over and over again. Since then I have put a little more research into what constitutes a reason to stop fasting. That has been pretty interesting as there is nothing in the Baha'i writings on shooting a hockey tournament in cold arenas.

I am going to monitor my day and give every effort to keep fasting, I have fasted during a tournament before and made it through in previous years. If the issues become health related then I will stop for the tournament and get back into it for the last three days. If anyone else has suggestions I'm willing to hear them.

Wandering the streets of Ponoka looking for a decent photo was tough. Eventually this empty store caught my eye.

Day 11 - What's the Point?

I sometimes find myself in odd situations when it comes to having dinner. 

I had to cover a town council meeting at 7 p.m., but sunset was right smack dab in the middle of the meeting. This left me with a bit of a conundrum: leave the meeting to eat and risk missing out on reporting, don't eat until the meeting is over, or munch and chomp away while council decides the fate of the town. 

Thankfully councillors did not have to make a decision to deplete the bank to change the entire infrastructure so I opted for the latter. A few things happened to make that work, my darling wife made me some home made fruit and veggie juice, which helped tide things over and councillors were distracted by a presentation on the other side of the room. In respect to the meeting and the others around me I didn't smack and crunch my meal but surreptitiously stole a few bites here and there. 

It worked! I got my meal, attended the full meeting and still had time to write my notes.  

Making all these adjustments had me thinking though. This would be so much easier if I didn't fast at all! Not worrying about how I'm going to get my sunset meal, or explaining my situation to people, or even suffering through a delicious business lunch (like I ever have any of those). 

But really that is the point isn't it? 

Don't we strive to do better in our workplace? Or in our sports? Those are not easy tasks, sports might be more fun but it takes effort, practice and continued work to get better. Something to consider while I do this Fast. 

"Recite the Obligatory Prayer and supplications as much as thou art able, so that day by day thou mayest attain to increased firmness and steadfastness and find greater joy and gladness. Thus the circle of divine knowledge will grow wider, and the fire of the love of God will burn brighter within thee."Abdu'l-Baha

Light and darkness and shadows, oh my!

Day 10 - Where'd the day go?

Production days at the paper are a blur of writing and if I'm lucky, taking pictures. Today was not that kind of day. All I did was write, write, not eat, write and then in case you were confused, write some more. 

There was no focus except to get the work done. As I was driving home later in the evening I realized I hadn't pressed the shutter on my camera, or phone for that matter, all day. That's how busy things  can get at work. 

Production days are the strangest. I go through the work day not thinking about anything else and that is a strange place to be in. I'm not really sure how it relates to the Fast but not eating has made me think about that a bit more than normal.

I'll leave it at that.

As I searched for quotes on the Fast I am also learning more about some of the exemptions; those who are sick or traveling more than nine hours are exempt. As well as woman who are pregnant. 

The ability to research the laws and writings of the Baha'i Faith is quite an awesome experience. This is the first time in any religion  there are writings directly from the prophet founder. For me it helps to clarify questions because there are always questions. That's how we roll. 

"The first teaching of Bahá'u'lláh is the investigation of reality. Man must seek the reality himself, forsaking imitations and adherence to mere hereditary forms. As the nations of the world are following imitations in lieu of truth and as imitations are many and various, differences of belief have been productive of strife and warfare. So long as these imitations remain the oneness of the world of humanity is impossible. Therefore we must investigate the reality in order that by its light the clouds and darkness may be dispelled. Reality is one reality; it does not admit multiplicity or division. If the nations of the world investigate reality they will agree and become united."
Abdu'l-Baha

Since I didn't take any pictures today I reviewed other images from the weekend and enjoyed the solitary lines of my daughter skating on the outdoor rink. I skated too but was "wicked tired" after.

Day 9 - Selective focus

Keeping busy helped me manage my day so that when sunset came around (an hour later than it should due to daylight savings time) I had forgotten it was time to eat. Not for long but it was nice to have some distraction. Sitting around waiting for the sun to set is the hardest way I have ever fasted. I'm going to try and remember that.

"As regards fasting, it constitutes, together with the obligatory prayers, the two pillars that sustain the revealed Law of God. They act as stimulants to the soul, strengthen, revive and purify it, and thus insure its steady development."
Shoghi Effendi

Barrel racing can be fun to shoot but after the first five minutes it gets rather repetitive. This sport ranks winners by the hundredths of a second and although it looks great to stop the action I wanted to show the movement and speed. It didn't matter to me if the subject was clear and crisp, this one is all about motion.

Day 8 - The wafer thin mint

I think I broke my stomach.

Being home on the weekend with not much to do made the idea of eating quite exciting. After a scrumptious dinner of home made juice, two cheeseburgers and a brownie I sat down to watch a show and proceeded to eat a whole container of blackberries while I waited for the popcorn to be made. 

After the popcorn I started to become concerned: I had bought a sandwich Friday as I had to shoot some basketball and I would be there past sunset. The sandwich saved me from complete starvation while on assignment. 

Now I could have bought a single sandwich that cost $4 or I could have bought a three pack for $7. 

You see the dilemma don't you? The three pack was a better deal, which is what I went for. The problem I face is that I don't eat during the day right now and pretty much no-one else in the family would eat the sandwiches. So I either have to eat those sandwiches for breakfast or for dinner. But since there were other items on the menu for dinner I had what everyone else ate.

So here I was with a more than full belly already, it was quite tender I assure you, when I decided I better eat one of the two leftover sandwiches. I just didn't want to see them go to waste. Halfway through I started to get worried, and then when I ate the whole thing I was definitely quite concerned. 

I felt like some sort of helium filled balloon and the slightest prick would have me burst open. My wife tried to comfort me by rubbing my belly which was a near disaster. 

I'm still full from the ordeal and don't think I'll do that again any time soon.

"As to your question regarding the Fast: If there is any doubt in the mind of a person as to whether it will really be bad for that person's health to keep it, the best doctor's advice should be obtained. But generally speaking most people can keep it, anywhere in the world, with no detriment to their health. It is very good for the health and, once one forms the habit, each year it becomes easier to keep, unless one is rundown. No one is obliged to keep it if it really harms them."
Shoghi Effendi

Don't ask me why but I enjoy light coming through windows.

Day 7 - Giving it up

It's important to realize this blog is my own personal experience of the Fast. Thoughts I voice are exactly that, my thoughts. I am recounting how I deal with fasting. I supply Baha'i texts on the Fast or other things because they seem appropriate to this discussion. 

Letting go is one of my greatest challenges but giving up that control can be strangely freeing. I'll give you an example from personal experience:

As a photojournalist I have to take pictures of different subjects for the newspaper, some are easier than others to shoot but the ones I enjoy the most can have a great splash of action, drama or conflict on the page. It's at those times I want full control of my camera. I shoot fully manual with prime lenses, which can provide fast autofocus. 

Today while shooting a high school basketball game I couldn't quite make the connection of peak action and uber sharp images. This was quite frustrating so I decided to set a focus point on an area of the court and then turned it to manual focus. This was ideal. Any action that came into that area I knew would be in focus; I could zoom in nice and close and only have to worry about framing. Letting go control of the camera's functions gave me unexpected creative freedom while shooting. It was fan-bloody-tastic. (I've done this before but only made the connection last night...go figure.)

I have at times felt embarrassed about some Baha'i laws such as not being allowed to drink and even the Fast. Drinking is a widely accepted social experience and some people wonder what the big deal is with it. I guess I am starting to feel that trying to keep with those Baha'i  tenets might be somewhat freeing rather than constricting. Just as relying on autofocus was hampering me getting the shot, dependence on those things I want is stopping me from...from something anyway. 

For those who do drink, I make no judgement, I used that merely as an example.

Well at least I know I haven't been there yet, I mean really, the path to enlightenment isn't seven days of writing in a Fast blog and then you're free. It's a start though. 

"This fast is conducive to the spiritual development of the individual."

Abdu'l-Baha

Trying to show the flow and movement of this basketball game was tough but these five people seemed to not move there heads while they watched the game. That gave me the opportunity to slow down the shutter and get a little flow. 

Day 6 - Getting into the Flow

Trying not to let myself get too comfortable. That's when I start to have issues; If I feel I have done well and overcome an obstacle I immediately think it's time to be done with that job.
The Baha'i Fast goes for a period of nineteen days and having one good day does not mean the job is done. Today was all about maintaining that focus and reminding myself this is a specific time of year. 

I enjoy sharing this time with other Baha'is around the world, it's a solidarity thing. When people tell you how they are doing it helps me see there are others who share the same beliefs and are working on similar issues.
For the next day I am going to have to keep those thoughts in mind as I see myself looking at short cuts.
To help inspire me I look at this photo blog called Nineteen Days. Photographers around the world take two pictures by sharing an early morning and an early evening picture. I love it. Great stuff and kind of cool to share a brief moment of someone's life. 

"Fasting is the cause of awakening man. The heart becomes tender and the spirituality of man increases. This is produced by the fact that man's thoughts will be confined to the commemoration of God, and through this awakening and stimulation surely ideal advancements follow..."
Abdu'l-Baha

Looking around for a decent spot to take a picture was difficult but this edge of farmland had just the right amount of shadows and snow and air and other good stuff.

Day 5 - Taste Explosion

Dinner was a scrumptious affair of grilled cheeseburgers with tomatoes, onions, lettuce and other fixins. A most enjoyable spread. 

If you have fasted in one shape or another, either for medical reasons or personal reasons, then you will know what I mean. A person can really appreciate good food after not eating or drinking the whole day. It was a wonderful experience.

I'm going to just enjoy the memory. More tomorrow. 

"Therefore, we learn that nearness to God is possible through devotion to Him, through entrance into the Kingdom and service to humanity; it is attained by unity with mankind and through loving-kindness to all; it is dependent upon investigation of truth, acquisition of praiseworthy virtues, service in the cause of universal peace and personal sanctification. In a word, nearness to God necessitates sacrifice of self, severance and the giving up of all to Him. Nearness is likeness."

Abdu'l-Baha

My wife asked me to put the shot of the leaf on here. She liked it quite a bit and I enjoyed how it turned out.

My footsteps caught the ears of this dear, which gave me a few fleeting shots before it turned around and bolted. Finding deer in town is not uncommon, more so when you travel north of here.

Day 4 - Positively Speaking

Nobody wants to hear a whiny faster.

I was considering being quite depressing about questions I have been asking myself; they relate to what it means to be a Baha'i and even the level of my belief.

The last few years, especially the last have been a challenge. It can be scary to look at yourself and see something so fundamental in your life be challenged.

It's probably better to look in the mirror and be realistic rather than to shove those questions aside. These are things to look at in an honest way.

Most importantly the answers cannot be found within myself. If left to my own devices I would still be in an apartment in Boston smoking cigarettes.

Perish the thought!

"For this physical fasting is a symbol of the spiritual fasting, that is, abstaining from all carnal desires, becoming characterized with the attributes of the spiritual ones, attracted to the heavenly fragrances and enkindled with the fire of the love of God."
Abdu'l-Baha

This was a fun moment with a really long scarf and a desire to get an interesting photo.

Day 3 - Work begins

After a relatively easy weekend I was at work for the first time during this year's fast. It actually went by relatively quick. Fasting on the busiest day of the week helps as the time seems to pass quicker. I didn't really think about anything other than I had to complete my tasks. 

I'm not sure what to make of this day. I spoke with some of my co-workers about the fast, I'm pretty sure they think I'm nuts...Probably because they said I am. But I did not get the feeling they had any major disdain for me. Just that I am crazy to do this for nineteen days. 

I agree.

It's not something a typical person does. That's one of the challenges I face every year. This fast goes against every survival instinct that I have. Water, food, chocolate...mmmm chocolate; still can't seem to honestly say chocolate is something I need to survive, however we are told the other things are essential parts of our lives. 

It's true. We would die without having water or food for an extended period of time (during the fast it is only after sunrise and before sunset that we fast but you get my point). So why do we do this?

Still working that out I guess.

"Even though outwardly the Fast is difficult and toilsome, yet inwardly it is bounty and tranquillity," Baha'u'llah.

I love the lines in school hallways and there is always this magical light at the end of the tunnel. This wasn't the greatest of pictures but I enjoyed messing with it and that vanishing point in the middle. 

Day 2 - Spiritual Enlightenment

There are people I know who appear to really enjoy the Baha'i Fast.

I hear some even say things like, "It's just a wonderful experience."

These folks get it. They seem to have turned a corner or opened a door into the room of "Hey! I got this!" For me the fast is a total challenge; I have to do all this mental preparation just to keep the status quo.

This year started off especially difficult as I did not actually remind/ready myself for these days until the night before. It has been a tough year for me on a spiritual level as well. Everything seems to have been on pause with the fast always in the back of my mind. Looming.

Taking a break from things such as daily prayers and generally trying to better myself as an individual has made it that much harder.

For now I am taking this one day at a time and reminding myself that this really is an important time, sometimes that means letting go of what you think is right:

"For this material fast is an outer token of the spiritual fast; it is a symbol of self-restraint, the withholding of oneself from all appetites of the self, taking on the characteristics of the spirit, being carried away by the breathings of heaven and catching fire from the love of God."
Abdu'l-Baha

Woke up to snow and wind and had to see what I could. Found these burned trees and what looked like a path between them. 

Day 1 - Emotional Rollercoaster

The first day.

I was a mess; emotionally and spiritually unready for self-restraint. I have always had an issue with this fast, which is why I want to talk about it. Keeps me honest and aware of my issues.

Perhaps it seems even harder to me because I have put my spirituality on pause, for lack of a better term. More on that later.

It didn't help that the music I was listening to almost put me into tears either . A quick change in the playlist changed my perspective though and that put me in a better state.

It's worth reminding oneself that music can be a tool to help bring you to a higher level.

I made the first day with no hiccups except for some slight drooling when my wife had a yogurt and honey snack today. It looked really really good.

Each day of the fast I take a picture, it's a way to focus on something other than food and water.

This was my morning, seemingly cold and lonely. It's a good lonely though, maybe lonely isn't the word, more like solitary. It's a quiet time. Everyone is asleep, even the cats and dogs can't bring enough energy into getting up. It was a good time to think.

"As regards fasting, it constitutes, together with the obligatory prayers, the two pillars that sustain the revealed Law of God. They act as stimulants to the soul, strengthen, revive and purify it, and thus insure its steady development."
Shoghi Effendi

The Baha'i Fast begins

I am not ready.

The first day of the Baha'i Nineteen Day fast begins March 2 and members of the religion partake in the experience. These entries are my feeble attempt to do keep myself honest and to try an conduct the fast to the best of my ability.

Some background information on the fast is necessary to understand some of the things I will speak on. Information on the Baha'i Faith is HERE.

Information on the Baha'i Fast is HERE.

I use this time to talk about the experience. Hope you enjoy the next few weeks.

Jeff